My Objectified Dozen

It is no secret that I love Magic Mike and am super stoked for the sequel. When declaring these feelings it came out that although I find Channing Tatum attractive and see his appeal, he does not make my “top 10”. Even (bad) feminist Roxane Gay approves of having such a list. When called out to name my actual list, I struggled narrowing it down to 10. Hell, I actually struggled to narrow it down to 20, but I think I have a strong dozen here that my imagination loves to dream about. When I started looking up individuals, their ages became apparent and well now… I guess I have some more daddy issues than I thought I did.

1. Bradley Whitford (55) – No not just Josh Lyman (though yes that character makes my heart flutter) but honestly I will gladly watch ANYTHING Mr. Whitford is in (this was a surprise gem that is worth your time if it is still available on Netflix) even when he has a jarring mustache and plays a ridiculous character. He is from Wisconsin and was married for a long time to Jane Kaczmarek (from my hometown!) which only makes him more attractive to me. When a friend got married she notified her husband that she expected a free pass if there was ever an opportunity to run away with or sleep with Tom Hanks. I think Bradley Whitford is my guy.

2. Jonathan Frakes (62) – Historically my #1. I watched a TON of Star Trek TNG as a child and bearded Riker was my genuine poster heartthrob the way NKOTB and Mark-Paul Gosselaar were for my peers. It was a joke around the neighborhood growing up and later when I reconnected and dated someone from my childhood as an adult, he had a photo cake with a smiling Will Riker made for Valentine’s Day as a surprise. It was really hot.

3. Eric Dane (42) – McSteamy. Even playing a gay man in Valentine’s Day movie could not dampen my attraction to this man. A FWB knows about this fantasy I harbor and has encouraged role playing at times. So steamy.

4. Joshua Jackson (36) -Team Pacey forevermore. I am also thoroughly enjoying him in The Affair.

5. Glen Hansard (44) – Another ginger in my top 5! I am going to see him (again!) on Valentine’s Day next week and I am so excited. Amazing voice, kind heart, ginger beard. (also he loves Kopp’s custard.)

6. Matt Damon (44) – Everyone who hears about this automatically says his name like in Team America. I don’t care. He is a cutie pie and has many attractive personal qualities too. Plus Good Will Hunting.

7. Alan Rickman (68) – Perhaps Hans Gruber is a throwback to my childhood and where my love began. All I know is that I would probably do anything for this man if I was lying next to him while he whispered in my ear.

8. Joe Manganiello (38) – BIG DICK RICHIE and one of the only redeeming characters on True Blood.

9. Ben Affleck (42) – So much hate exists for Ben, but I am a fan. Slow. Astronaut. Walk. (oh plus ridiculous singing. I do this for J whenever he has a trip. He loves it. Of course he does.)

10. Mandy Patinkin (62) – Sure my love began with The Princess Bride (Oh how I would love to run my fingers through that hair.) but it continues with Homeland. Papa beard does it for me.

11. Wil Wheaton (42) – Another Star Trek (and Stand By Me) childhood throwback, but damn this man has only improved with age (again with the beard!) and I enjoy his tweets about puppy dogs and burritos immensely. Also this.

12. Colin Firth (54) – Of course he rocked it in Pride and Prejudice (even if the wet shirt remains a conspiracy), but an all-around solid choice in a variety of viewing pleasures.

Notable mentions: Mark Ruffalo, Chris Messina, James Spader, Stephen Colbert, George Clooney, Taye Diggs, Jimmy Fallon, Heath Ledger, Jon Bon Jovi, and Richard Dean Anderson.

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