“I think it’s actually kind of cute the way you whine about not getting your way.” It was one of those random lines in an email years ago when a relationship was new-ish and those kind of attributes are remarked upon as cute and endearing, only later to be thrown back in anger and frustration when the novelty wears off. The little things that turn into trouble and cause hurt feelings the 400th time you argue and/or silently fume about them.
I have taken a lot of flack from family and friends for “putting up with” a lack of compatibility (apparently obvious from the outside?) in some of my relationships. “I don’t want to date my clone!” I have always remarked. There are so many things I dislike about myself, it would be unbearably annoying to have to love them in other people. Then again, wouldn’t life be that much easier if my partner saw things the same way I do? This is when that adage about being careful what you wish for, because you might get it, rings true.
Here are a few of those little things (that I could not understand why they were made into big effing deals when dating someone with the opposite view) that I have come to question my own stance on now that I am dating a more like-minded fellow:
Bedtime cuddling – I am a snuggler. Or at least I was, until I met a man that takes it to a whole different realm. I have no interest in pillow sharing or entwined limbs overnight. A quick comfort embrace or snuggle up spooning during the night is totally acceptable and with my tendency for nightmares (and throwing elbows), I am certainly guilty of such things. I have a high tolerance for snoring. Breath in my face or being trapped under heavy arm or leg is unacceptable.
Bathroom commingling – I was raised in an open door household and was astonished to learn that there are some people who will close and lock the bathroom door when home alone. Those habits are hard to kill, and I have appalled many people by not shutting the door to take care of #1. I can never understand the couples on HGTV who cannot possibly be expected to share a bathroom with each other, yet my current situation (of anything goes regardless who is in the bathroom doing what) clearly illuminates why bathroom doors were made with locks. Being called out on my previously passive stance on the matter has brought on an unprecedented complication of shy bladder to this gal when confronted with a boyfriend who stands in the room talking to me while I am sitting on the toilet.
Plate sharing – Oh boy this one is a doozy for me. A stubborn refusal to split plates led to a nasty fight and one of my worst dates, (It has not made it onto here in the Bad Date Files yet because I am still so dumbfounded and angry about it 2 years later) so I was pretty blown away to be offered unsolicited bites from my current companion right on our second date (at the same restaurant as the aforementioned Bad Date no less.) I love that each other’s selections are discussed prior to ordering and I cannot imagine a (er, another) relationship where I am forbidden from tasting or splitting his food, but the new-found ability to steal fries whenever I want also has a downside. It requires reciprocity and that often means what would be my leftovers for tomorrow’s lunch becomes fair grazing for someone else.